Super Freak Florida Man breaks into house and sucks sleeping man’s toes
It was Christmas eve in Bradenton Florida and all though the house. No one was awake, not even a mouse. That is except for this creepy AF Florida Man who broke into the place and woke the owner of the house up by sucking on his toes. Perhaps he thought the guy would assume it was good ole Saint Nick himself who had taken this sudden and odd facination with the slumbering mans little piggies during his stop in to drop off some presents?
But alas, the man was not fooled. He woke up and said “Who are you and what are doing here”? The super freak was not done being weird yet. (Imagine that) His response was “I’m here to suck toes”. Let me take a moment to remind you kind readers of something. This isn’t a satire sight. This shit really happened.
The homeowner jumped up and began throwing hands at the intruder. At this point the toe cheese connoisseur told the man that he had a gun and tried to fondle the man’s genital area. That tactic didn’t work as the homeowner continued to fight the toe sucker. The fight made it’s way outside to the intruder’s car where the man with still moist toes proceeded to break out a car window and then jump on the hood and smashing the windshield before Saint Toe Sucker drove off mysteriously into the night.
I’m not going to post the homeowner’s name but we can assume he wasn’t into this fetish and there is gonna be a lot of hot, hot, HOT showers and some therapy involved in his near future.